Purple Toad Hotel

Posted: April 16, 2012 in satire, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Kiss a Toad!
Image by Kristal Kraft is called Kiss a Toad, and is under creative commons/noncommercial/attribution on flickr.

Purple Toad Hotel is a satire.

Purple Toad Hotel

John the Anchor: This just in, our web creeper has discovered a site called Purple Toad Hotel, where bloggers and readers have abandoned all manner of acceptable human behavior, and have decided instead to simply start telling the god-awful truth to each other. Alex?

Alex: Thanks, John. It is truly horrific to watch. Cold hard truths are being slung back and forth at an alarming rate, like nothing I have ever seen before. It is as if these people think they have some kind of a license, or something, to tell each other how they really, really, really feel. We have seen a few what you might call diplomats, you know, people without stone one, the negotiator types come in and try to put a stop to all the raw truths flying around, but they are just too massively weak for this heavy stuff. It all started when a discussion over fairy tales started out amicable, with typical exchanges of dishonest pablum and heaped bullshit that you see on the internet every day, but then took an ugly turn for the truthful.

John: We can’t have that.

Alex: No, we can’t. Here’s a clip from early in the fairy tale thread, where everybody was being nice and chummy even as they were lying through their teeth to each other. At this point, they even had a moderator, but they didn’t need it really because there was so little risk that someone might slip up and tell the truth:

6. @RantOnARoll to WorldsAuthority
Hey World. Nice seeing you again. How are the kids?

7. @WorldsAuthority to RantOnARoll comment 6 (see text)
The only thing that would be better is if you were here to share this lovely day with, Rant. Can’t wait to see your next post, bro. I know you’re the go-to on that Three Pigs story. Go Get ’em.

Alex:What we don’t know at this point is, how it all got started exactly. Our cyber experts tell us that exchange of truthful feelings is so rare that there have been no formal studies. This thread picked up steam once it got started though, and has cut an astonishing path of truthful, hurtful digs across a multiple bandwidths. Here’s a clip later on in the thread where the awful truths started spilling out. Experts believe this may have been very near to the beginning of the truths.

75. @RantOnARoll in reply to WorldsAuthority comment 62 (see text)
Eat my balls. There. I said it. I’ve always really really wanted to say that, World. You know just enough little things about a lot of subjects, so you’re not a World Authority at all are you?

76. @World’sAuthority in reply to RantOnARoll comment 75 (see text)
I don’t know why I even bother with you, you and your rants, you and your rolls, you and your whine. Goldilocks wasn’t a goddamn burglar. You wouldn’t know that though because you never read anything. You never read because you’re drunk all the time. There. I said it. I’ve always really wanted to say that.

77. @HungryTroll
The kittens never lost their mittens. The sadistic mother took them. Everyone knows that.

78. @IHaveAGreatBigHarley in reply to Hungry Troll comment 76 (see text)
Honestly. I like you here. I like you because you are the most pathetic troll I have ever seen in my life. You can’t troll your way out of a bag, can you? No, and I like that because it makes me feel kinda good, trip-trapping on your bridge so that other people can see my spectacular put-downs. That is the truth. I have never been this honest in all my life.

79. @BigJohnson in reply to IHaveAGreatBigHarley comment 78 (see text)
It’s okay to ride bitch if you’ve got a Big Johnson. There. I said it.

80. @IHaveAGreatBigHarley in reply to @BigJohnson comment 79 (see text)
Good. Then I’ll say this. I have never in my life read through any complete post that you have ever written. Even though I comment, I swear, I can’t get through your posts. Why? Because I never have the slightest clue what you are actually talking about. I hate your overwritten witty shit, Big. Fuck you. There. God, I feel so much better. I have wanted to say that for years. And quit saying the word toadbagger. It is offensive. Oh man, does it ever feel good telling the truth. Why have we waited so long?

John the Anchor: Is there any indication that there might be an end in sight to this truth marathon?

Alex: Well, as far as we can tell, this truth free-for-all at Purple Toad Hotel could go on for quite a while. There were reports this afternoon of some attempts at moderation to bring this thread back to a normal, dishonest comfort zone typical of all the other normal, dishonest blog sites. We heard back through a direct tweet from someone who calls herself NiceUntilNow, and the tweet said quote, Blow it out your ass, dickheads.

John the Anchor: I guess that means there is at least the possibility that the Purple Toad Hotel might break new ground on the internet by doing away with all the formalities and just telling the truth. Stay tuned for updates.


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